You can go through my other posts to see what I’ve already said about my relationship with my exwBPD, but in short I’m happy today. When I first broke up with him I was devastated, and felt sad and broken and almost unable to do it despite having the strength to at first. But I reached my breaking point, and after talking to my therapist today I’m ready and happy about going no contact with him today :)

This is what I’m going to tell him and send to his mom:

I think you’re right that this relationship is toxic and abusive I don’t think you’re going to understand, but I wanted to offer you the chance to. I think what happened when I had my breakdown is the perfect example of everything wrong with our relationship. When I started spiraling about being an awful and irredeemable person, and that my best effort wasn’t enough and that there was no point anymore, you took that opportunity to agree with me. You fed into those thoughts I was having so you could offer forgiveness and redemption from you as the solution. You also tried to blame me for Noel’s suicide attempt, the same way you have tried to blame me for some of your own bouts of suicidal behavior and self harm, all of which I have decided is unacceptable treatment of me as a person, no matter the crime I committed. I believe that the months since the summer have been my best attempt to salvage a friendship with you, but for my own protection I cannot have contact with you anymore. I’m sorry that this hurts, and I wish you the best in all things.

My friend is coming over soon for support (therapists suggestion) and I’m going to call him, which is something I need to do for myself because he made calling him such a source of stress and fear and anxiety. This is part of facing my fear of him and taking back my control, I am a strong person and have the ability to do this.

Part of making this post is to hold myself accountable to not break no contact, as this community has been so helpful and kind to me, much love to you all 💜