I did it. I’ve been saying I would for weeks and it technically went better than I thought it would. He didn’t cry but I could hear it in his voice when he pleaded for another chance. I just kept apologizing and crying and eventually he hung up on me. It wasn’t until I texted him an apology and that I want him to get better and I don’t think having me around is helping that he said fuck you and I’m only doing this for myself so I can do whatever I want. I gave his mom warning so he would be safe but also after I detailed offense after offense of why I don’t want to be with him anymore she mostly just said that he’s just like his dad and she could help us fix it, but also whatever I decide is what I decide. And I feel so disgusted with myself for doing it. Even after everything I feel disgusted with myself. I just want him to be happy and I hope he finds happy soon because I still love him so much. I move out of my apartment temporarily for a month tomorrow and I hope I feel better soon.

I appreciate having this sub to post on a couple times and being validated in thinking it probably won’t be getting better any time soon when it’s been more than a year. I bought a nice candle I like to sort of “cleanse” my space. I’m seeing a lot of my friends this weekend and I hope I don’t cry too much.