My exwBPD dumped me at the beginning of April. It was a messy breakup, and I was unfairly blamed for many things that weren't my fault. There was a lot of projecting going on, and they used abusive language towards me, which I never thought someone who loves me could say.

Since the breakup, we haven't been able to have a proper conversation without them getting worked up and projecting their issues onto me. However, sometimes they would call me for advice as if nothing happened, and afterward, they would comment on how pleasant the interaction was and try to reconnect or hang out. But usually, the second contact would escalate into them yelling at me over something they imagined I had done.

It baffles me how they have absolutely no shame or recollection of their awful behavior and how they can still ask me for favors despite that. Last week, they told me they didn't see a future for us having any kind of relationship. However, this week, they asked me to watch their dog for 1-2 nights. At first, I refused, but then the next day, they called me, saying it was an emergency and they really needed my help because of an unsafe situation at home for the dog.

So I gave in and took care of the dog. I actually enjoyed having the company, and it forced me to get out and walk every day. Taking care of the dog didn't add any extra work for me. Eventually, the 1-2 nights turned into an indefinite period, which made me start to question my motivation for doing this.

I found myself secretly hoping that if I helped my ex, we could be on good terms again. I realized that this was probably manipulative and codependent on my part. My friends told me it was unhealthy. So I made the difficult decision of telling my ex that I had to return the dog.

I explained that having the dog was causing me to have sad and intrusive thoughts about our past relationship (which wasn't a lie) and that having the dog was giving me an excuse to continue talking to them when we should be giving each other space. They themselves had said several times during the breakup that they didn't want to talk to me. Initially, they didn't react well to this, but later they responded, saying they understood and appreciated my help.

I mentioned that I would like to reestablish communication at some point, but I want it to be genuine and not based on me doing them a favor in exchange for friendship. I explained that I genuinely wanted to help and enjoyed having the dog, but I realized during that time that it wasn't good for me. It felt fake and inauthentic because if we're not dating and not friends, then why am I doing it? I assured them that I didn't hold any resentment, and if we have a friendship in the future, I don't want it to be based on what I can do for them.

They suddenly changed the subject and started defending why they didn't talk to me directly on the night I picked up the dog. They told me they were starting to feel better about communicating with me, and "my episode" (referring to the conversation) made them feel attacked and brought them to tears.

If they supposedly hate me so much and dumped me in such a cruel way, why do they care if I'm trying to set boundaries and move on??

I was under the assumption that they had no desire to be in any kind of relationship with me, as they had stated last week. However, this week they were more friendly and talkative. I assumed it was only because I had the dog, and they wanted updates. We hadn't discussed the status of our relationship between last week and this week. Perhaps I should have assumed they wanted to be friends because of their friendly behavior this week? Then again, why am I trying to rationalize this.

My ex has a history of often relying on others when they need stuff done. When I was with them I slowly ended up taking on all of the housework and childcare. Now after we've broken up they had a family member doing what I was doing, but that person has decided they are no longer going to help. I kind of want them to hit rock bottom and see how hard life is after burning so many bridges or maybe recognize that they need to get treated.

Regardless of what happens, I can't enable them any longer.