My exwBPD dumped me at the beginning of April after a pretty chaotic few weeks. We opened the relationship (which triggered me), I moved (which triggered her abandonment issues - or so she says "I thought I needed you", we were living together until this point). She said she was okay with me moving before I actually moved and then lost it and tried to break up with me when I got the keys.

She then proceeded to physically stay with me when I moved and leave her kids with a family member saying she didn't want to be a mother anymore and wanted to live somewhere without kids for her mental health. We never formally discussed her living with me (we joked about it), the agreement was that we'd spend time between both places.

When she ended things, it was because I cried when she came back from seeing her other partner because I missed her and had been feeling just so disconnected and insecure. She accused me of being "so jealous of her" and "unable to see her happy". I tried to explain I love nothing more than to see her happy, it's just in the context of her seeing someone else (and changing all the boundaries we agreed to, telling them 'I love you', etc) it hurt me. I don't know if she understands or if she still feels my behavior was 'psychotic' as she described (also, my version of psychotic is just crying pathetically and talking in a shaky voice).

She had also been acting really annoyed with me in general, as she had tried her best to reassure me ("I still want you in my life forever, you're my family", etc) but I wasn't as comforted by those reassurances because of all my requests that got pushed when we opened the relationship. I'd ask for something (i.e. I'm not comfortable with sleepovers, only fwb no second relationships, no saying 'I love you'). She'd then argue each one in an attempt to get me to cave ("well what if I visit them late at night and we fall asleep?""what if we were drinking and I can't drive?""you can't really dictate what the relationship naturally turns into, I'll just set limits with them as it goes""well what does LOVE really mean? You can love your friends, right?"). Because they were logical points, I felt like I couldn't argue with them. I'm not good at knowing what is reasonable to ask and second guess myself all the time.

So the person she found was polyamorous and enjoys being generous with women. He told her that he likes to take his more serious partners on vacation with him and let them buy whatever they want for holidays.

Is it not logical then that I was being 'psychotic' and mega insecure while they were dating? It wasn't what we agreed to. Their solo dates were always really hard for me. She said in February that she preferred to just live as really good friends, wanted to continue living with me, but didn't want the pressure of a romantic relationship with me. She said she was still attracted to me and that she was not leaving me for the other person.... I don't know why I agreed to this arrangement, maybe I thought I'd be okay and still get what I needed from the relationship.

She accused me of not following her boundaries, but looking back maybe it was because her boundaries made me uncomfortable and were hard for me to follow (see example above - you want to be friends, but also roommates, and be platonic, but you are still attracted to me and you're not leaving me?).

When we broke up for good she blames ME for everything, saying I was psychotic when she was the one who started screaming profanities at me for crying.

I'm really confused by her thinking she'd been wronged here. I feel like I tried everything to be flexible and give her what she wanted, when I really should have just ended it when she started lawyering my boundaries.

I've been gaslit all my life, so I have a hard time thinking it's not my fault, but writing this out here makes me see clearly she is not in a mental place where she can be in any kind of relationship.