Well it’s been 2 years since I’ve met my girl with BPD. We have the same birthday a lot of similarities but some solid differences as well, kind of balancing eachother out. I always say to her that she’s me and she always says that I’m her. She’s funny, smart, pretty, petite and a nut job in a good way she isn’t so serious or formal.

She’s had a lot of problems in her past relationships ie: getting cheated on, physically abused etc. She also has a lot guy friends,definitely not the average girl, she’s confident and will put her self out there to meet people and make friends.

I started being very insecure a year before I met her and I haven’t really loved myself. I knew if I wanted a long happy relationship I need to love myself like I once did.

I fucked up one day and mentioned to her that I can’t ever see myself dating a female with a bunch of guy friends… I said it was mainly because past experiences and what I’ve seen first hand with my own eyes but it was mainly due to my insecurities. That was the start of the fall, ever since that happened over a year ago she started to really get on me about following new girls liking provocative pictures and doing all this shit, and come to find out she’s doing the same shit even commenting on guys posts! An argument for another day but everyone knows how the world works and how woman have the upper hand in the dating world vs men they get first choice.

There was a time I had to travel for work with some friends and one of them left condoms in my car and she saw them when I got back into town and she accused me up and down of cheating and all this and let me also mention the whole time I was out of town without her it was already a big problem because I left without her. She accused me the whole time I was there with no evidence and ruined my entire trip… fast forward two months later she says she’s going out of town to see her friends and go to a edm show and doesn’t invite me.I play it cool that she’s leaving without me… funny thing is she left town and was being suspicious as hell I just knew she was with someone else, I called her out multiple times over the weekend and when she got back she stated “I went down alone and just saw my friends and came back” one night I decided to go through her phone and I see a text between her and her “guy best-friend” and she’s thanking him for driving them out of town LOL I just absolutely lose it considering she’s given me so much shit for things she’s done herself. Or is it her way of getting even and being eye for an eye? Idek.

Anyways there’s been times I’ve caught her texting other guys and never because she’s felt guilty and just owned up only because I caught her, and her excuse was every time “we have been fighting a lot and you haven’t been treating me right”.

for the past year it’s been petty shit with both of us accusing one another and having no trust and treating eachother poorly when we’re upset, 2 months ago she “breaks up” with me even though nothing has changed between us besides we fight more, she’s still over 5/7 days a week we’re still acting like a couple talking like a couple fighting like a couple and on this past we were on my phone and she notices I liked a provocative picture of a girl with her butt out and she flips out about to walk out yelling I’m a cheating and a piece of shit and I calm her down… fast forward a few hours we are on her phone looking at something and I see a notification of a guy whose name I’ve never seen before, I ask her casually whose that? She responds nervously “my cousin” and I immediately know she’s lying through her teeth I tell her to get out and she blocks me cuts off all communication and I’m fucking livid knowing she’s doing something behind my back and I don’t have my answers, come to find out this whole fucking time we’ve been broken up for 2 months she’s been talking to this guy in another state FaceTiming, flirting talking about getting flown out, hes saying he wants to fuck her, he’s asking her for nude photos and she’s saying it’s” better in person” just after everything I’m so fucking confused how a person can move like this and expect a positive outcome? She has the audacity to accuse me of cheating, while she’s actually cheating, then when I call her out for it she goes “oh I’m not cheating we’ve been broken up”

There’s really a lot more to this story but I suck at writing as you can see above, I’m sorry for all the grammatical errors but I’m genuinely fucking scared because I can’t imagine my life with her how she is and I can’t imagine my life without her… I’ve always been so strong minded and easy to let go, she genuinely feels like karma for being a asshole to other girls I’ve dated. How can I still love someone that has fucking showed no respect for me and disregarded all my boundaries?