I've been dating my SO for a little more than a year and just found out that she has BPD. Unlike the much worse stories I've heard here, though, my situation seems a lot less intense and more hopeful, in a way? Not to invalidate anyone's experiences of course but I'm also trying to make sense of what's happening.

She does not display any abusive behavior, really. No jealousy - I can hang out with whoever, whenever. We've had a few fights but none of them had any gaslighting, manipulation, etc. The only thing is she gets intensely emotional and sometimes self-harms (but to be fair I give her a total silent treatment for 2-24 hours whenever we fight, my bad) which I can see now as abandonment fears being triggered.

Other self-destructive behavior, not so much. She takes good care of herself and is in better health than me. No substance abuse, impulsive spending, excessive sexual behavior. She has her life very well-put together on the outside, really, with a high-paying job, having graduated from college as their valediction, and so, so many other talents. Zero anger issues - it was one of the things that made me fall for her, because even when I've upset her or done something to annoy her, she still treats me kindly and affectionately while voicing her concerns rationally.

What got her the diagnosis along with a clinical depression diagnosis was the constant pain she was in and that I was well-familiar of. She persistently feels strong emptiness and loneliness, and is known to cry for long periods of time when hurt or even randomly. She's very clingy and would love to be with me all the time, and it does get intense, to the point of crying when she has to go home after a date, but even she recognizes that it's a little over the top and we can laugh about it together. Before she knew she had the diagnosis she just assumed she had some hormonal problems. All throughout this she's always been a very caring, loving, and empathetic person that EVERYBODY loves.

And she told me about this diagnosis after a therapy session that she signed up for herself with no prompting from anyone else whatsoever.

This is the best relationship I've ever had and well... I find it hard to believe that she might turn out the same as the horror stories I've seen elsewhere. It might be possible that her psychologist got the diagnosis wrong, but are there high-functioning BPD cases where they have all the internal sadness/pain parts but none of the lashing out and abusive behavior? One where, without treatment, the end result is less "destroy every life she touches" but more "she was such a loving and wonderful person, I don't know why she took her own life"