So I’m currently in a relationship with someone who was recently diagnosed with BPD, and I myself am Bipolar, but I’m very far along in my healing, I work in the mental health and substance abuse field. So when we first started dating she was up front about that she texted her ex every so often, and admitted it was a comfort thing, and I created the boundary that I’m ok with it as long as it’s not hidden from me and it doesn’t cross the line. Then one night we were laying in bed and they were talking and out of no where he texted her “let me see that pussy” and I very calmly said well that’s not ok and said obviously that’s disrespectful and she agreed and blocked him. As our relationship went on there were people that I wasn’t comfortable with and I would express my feelings and why I felt that way or why I didn’t think that person had good intentions, but she would take it as I’m accusing her and get so worked up and out of control, this was before the BPD diagnosis. But the next day she would always come to her senses and she would always fix it. I then had to go out of town for a work event for 5 days and during that 5 days she had a breakdown or outburst so bad she went to the hospital that’s when she was diagnosed. So shortly after I got back things were pretty good, but I was trying to work with her, be more sensitive etc. but I didn’t completely understand BPD so I was using other techniques for general mental health issues. Then one night idk why but I went through her phone, part of the reason is a lot of guys would hit her up and it caused insecurity but I had never found anything, so this time I open her phone and see her exs name in her messages so I open it and it was a very short conversation but essentially she sent him a meme he laughed then said he had a new girl and she said lemme see and he sent two photos of her one of her face and one of her body and my girlfriend immediately sent him a naked video of herself and then made a comment about the girl, and he responded with “when can I hit”, and she responded “anytime”, then the conversation changed, and then she stopped responding, so I immediately woke her up and calmly said “why did you send your ex a naked video” and I could see her thrown off and I said “this was literally yesterday, the only day I wasn’t with her for a couple hours,so I had a lot of feelings, and was very hurt and she struggled to speak, then finally came out with she was struggling mentally, she had initially texted him to just talk, and then he sent the picture and she wanted him to realize what he doesn’t have anymore, so sent the video out of jealousy, and I said well clearly you still have feelings and she insisted she doesn’t, and them claimed how many opportunities she had to go back or fuck him and she didn’t, so I told her this crossed a boundary and our whole relationship she would use the fact that she was so loyal to her exs regardless of how bad they treated her, and always would say how this is her first healthy relationship and so I said how do you end up doing this to me? The one healthy relationship you have is the it’s time you decide not to be loyal, so I’m stuck in the position where I’m very hurt and I know I should walk away, but every part of me wants to be with her, so I decide I want to try to understand how this happened, and obviously she was very dismissive about my questions, she claimed she didn’t delete it because she wanted to tell me because she felt so guilty but was terrified of losing me, but I said how do you not think of me, especially because while she was doing this she was also texting me about how much she loves me, so I told her I respect her feelings but I can’t not accept that how I would feel didn’t cross your mind, so this went on for a while, then I said ok tell me this was this a one time thing or have you been talking to him, and she insisted it’s a one time thing, well a couple days later I was still hurting and felt like there has to be more so I went into her recently deleted messages and all their messages were there and came to realization that they had been talking for essentially a month in a half not every day and it was always just a couple messages and there was a couple sexual comments and I then called her out and said I gave you the opportunity to come clean and basically Everything you said makes no sense because you’ve been making the choice to text him and say these things everytime you contacted him, so you never felt guilty enough, and it wasn’t until I found it that she realized what she had in me and she owned up to the fact she was trying to keep him there just in case and that’s why she would feed into it, but then quickly go into how she had no idea what she was doing, and doesn’t want to be with him, and how all of sudden it all hit her and she now sees and swears it will never happen,