So, after my pwBPD broke up with me, they told me they realized we were never really compatible and that they miss the person they thought I was, but that we were never those people. I feel like I'm the same person. It's so confusing. They spent almost three years telling me how amazing and interesting I was, and now suddenly they think I'm toxic. I'm trying to reflect on what they're saying and find the truth in it.

They mentioned that we were always discussing our feelings and problems, and I'm starting to wonder if they're right. Maybe I struggled to communicate my needs because it was difficult, and I never felt like my emotional needs weren't being met. Or maybe I'm just a negative person who overanalyzes everything to death.

I have a tight-knit group of friends from high school, and I generally find it challenging to connect with new people. When I talk to my friends, we often delve into discussions about important people in our lives or how we feel about life and people in general. So, there's a lot of talk about feelings, but it's not like we spend every minute together like my pwBPD and I did.

They used to idealize me and say they could talk to me all day without getting tired, so there must have been something they enjoyed about hanging out with me. I used to tell them that I could listen to them talk about anything mundane all day and not get bored. They told me I was interesting and well-rounded, so I must have talked about various other topics. I remember they were quite knowledgeable about art and pop culture, so I would ask them lots of follow-up questions to learn more. Our mutual friends noticed that we talked about feelings frequently and remarked that we spoke 'fluent therapy' at our house, but I'm not sure if I was always the one initiating those conversations. On top of that, I was also taking care of most of the household chores and childcare, so I might have shared my struggles in those areas with them more than usual because of the imbalance in workload.

I'm just wondering if it's common for people with BPD to be okay with something for a long time and then suddenly bring it up during a conflict. It's like they hold it in until things get heated.

By the way, when I'm tired of a topic someone keeps talking about, I usually just ask them politely to change the subject. I don't really remember my pwBPD doing this until they started splitting and became constantly annoyed with me.