I was deeply in love with a woman who potential has BPD, although it could be C-PTSD too, I’m simply not sure. She says it’s C-PTSD, but I know there’s overlap. Through the relationship, she said it was depression. I didn’t know it could be something more until after the relationship ended.

We were together for over three years. When times were good, they were amazing. She has a lot of wonderful attributes. She’s beautiful, can be very sweet, funny, successful in her career. When she was good, she was amazing.

But it was a rollercoaster of a relationship. She broke up with me several times, sometimes when I definitely did not see it coming. To be fair, I broke up with her a couple times and went back too.

Within the last year, to cope I started drinking. It became a probably, a few weeks ago, I just couldn’t handle it and verbally blew up and said something very bad about BPD people, which I regret. I said mean things in the past too when stressed and drunk.

It’s really over this time.

Since then, I stopped drinking and attend meetings every morning. I’m also seeing two different therapists. But I’m not feelings any better. This breakup seems different. Prior ones I could get over easier by thinking I could find someone else eventually, etc. But this time I feel broken. I feel like I never want to be with anybody every. I really wanted a family with my ex, but I can’t see it with anybody else. I wish I would have known about her condition, whatever it is. I would have tried to learn about it. I wish I was a better man.

Does anybody else feel like these breakups just hit different? Sorry if this post it’s too long, it’s sort of easier to talk about on the internet so nobody can see how sad I am.