my [16F] brother [17 almost 18] is depressed, being tested for autism, suicidal and has general anger issues.

today, he tried to strangle himself and then tried to cut himself.

my brother is physically and verbally abusive, and a few days ago he had a massive fight with my parents. he fought my dad as they tried to drag him out of the house, and my brother tried to gouge out my dads eyes as they fought outside the house.

an hour or so ago, i heard my brother sobbing as he left the bathroom on our floor. he shouted down “i’m sorry” to me, and immediately alarm bells start ringing in my head.

i was sat outside his bedroom door, talking to him as he tried to strangle himself as he didn’t want me to come in. then, he went into the kitchen and told me not to come in. correctly fearing the worst, i go into kitchen through another door and see a large knife on the countertop. later said the knife was too blunt.

i put it away and he sits down on a sofa in a room that’s attached to the kitchen (no walk between the two rooms), and he just begins sobbing. he was saying about how he can’t keep going on, how he’s sick of life etc. i say that i know this, but he doesn’t know how good his life could be. he says he doesn’t care.

he goes back into his bedroom, and i follow him. he says that he wants to confess to his crush, and if she says no he can just kill himself. i say that’s an unfair responsibility to put on her, and he says it’s not her responsibility, it’s an inevitability.

my dad (who i messaged when i found out what he tried to do) came home and has taken my brother to some sort of support team that he sometimes goes to. i’m still really shaken.

i’ve known for a while that he sees himself dying via suicide. what i’m struggling with (alongside the general fear) is figuring out how i’d cope with him dying? it feels so disgusting, but a part of me is telling myself to somewhat prepare for his death in case he does anything.

i’m just really struggling at the moment and could really do with some advice :(