Hello All,

to provide some background, I've been hospitalized (twice) due to my bpd. however, I find that my stay amplified my issues as I got really attached to a psychiatrist there who eventually became my FP. after being released, I cannot stop thinking about him and it feels so painful to be away from him. all I want to do is attempt/threaten suicide again so I can be admitted to that exact mental hospital to see him again... but I know that's unhealthy. I just feel so empty and lost and I don't know what to do. the pain is so bad. I feel like a horrible person for even feeling this way about someone who just wanted to help me. he did tell me in a few months I can find his clinic and maybe set an appointment with him, but I don't know if that'd be a good idea. I don't know. my mind keeps racing