I've always struggled with using dating and relationships as a bad coping mechanism. So when my relationship ended almost half a year ago, I decided to be alone for a while. I know half a year is not long at all, but for me it is. I feel like I learned so much about myself in the past months and I felt like I was ready to date again, but finally do it right this time.

I went on a datingapp (I don't really have much opportunity to meet people IRL) and didn't expect much of it, but almost right away I matched with this guy. We texted for about two days, which was already lots of fun, before we went on our first date. It went so well and it was so fun! I don't think I've ever been on a date with someone who was so clearly interested in me. At the end of the date we immediately made an appointment for a second date 4 days later.

After the first date I asked him what he thought of our date. He had already quite clearly voice his opinion, which was super positive, but I just wanted a little bit of extra reassurance. He told me he had a lot of fun and couldn't wait to see me again, but that he did think I was really quiet. I had told him beforehand that I was shy when first meeting people, and that I need some time to open up. Him saying this was in no way meant negatively, just something he observed. But I felt extremely rejected. Those 4 days were quite awful for me, I was really anxious. I was scared there wouldn't be a third date, and I felt a lot of pressure to be more fun and talkative on the second date. It really wasn't fun to 'wait' for the second date with so much anxiety, but I'm really proud of myself for how I handled my feelings. I just let them be there, I accepted them, even though I knew they were not necessary. I also didn't text him to ask for more validation or anything, which I'm also very proud of.

The second date was yesterday. It was honestly so much fun! We talked for hours. This time I also talked a lot, and opened up a lot more. I really felt like I could be myself. He kept telling me how glad he was that he had met me, and how happy he was I invited him over. He kept thanking me for my company and said really nice things about me, not even about my appearance, but about me as a person. He seems naturally really big into words of affirmation, so that's amazing for someone like me who needs a lot of reassurance.

So... there is going to be a third date! I'm going abroad for Christmas to visit my family, so will be gone for a week. And he will possibly be out of town around new years. So it could be anywhere between 1,5 to 2 weeks before we see each other again. May be the day before New years, or after New years in the new year. I'm quite bummed about it, but it is what it is. I'm already really happy there is going to be a third date!

I have told him about my BPD, but not in detail. I also haven't told him anything about the reason why I have BPD. I'm really proud of this as well. I tend to overshare and trauma dump when I meet new people. I'm not sure when the appropriate time would be to tell him. The third date will be after 3 weeks of talking, is that long enough? Should I wait longer?

Sorry for the long post but I'm so excited about all of this and just wanted to share with you guys! I feel like the way I handled things so far is a huuuuuge improvement compared to how I always handled things. I'm quite proud of my behaviour so far and have hope that this could become a real thing! We're both looking for something serious and after yesterday's date he said he's still open to that. Let's manifest this will happen! And if anyone has any advice for me on how to keep letting everything run smoothly, I'd be very happy to hear!