if i don’t change i’m going to lose my partner, if i don’t do better i’m going to lose them. if i don’t get back into therapy i’m going to lose them but my therapist hasn’t been in practice for a month or so because of something that happened in her personal life that caused her to close her practice for now so even if i wanted to i couldn’t and i found someone i might be able to afford, asked if they had any availability but i won’t know until tomorrow at the earliest because i messaged them at like 6pm and i don’t know how to do anything on my own. i don’t know how to deal with shit on my own, i don’t know how to just fuck off for a bit, i was never taught and i’m not going to be able to just teach myself without therapy or someone i can fucking talk to but i feel like i can’t. they basically already said it feels like raising a child and i don’t want to do that to them… id rather die than continue to hurt them but at the same time i don’t wanna fucking lose them… id rather die than not do fuck all to try and change but at the same time i don’t have the fucking coping skills and i don’t have a therapist rn. i just, i don’t know what to do and i feel fucking worthless rn

EDIT: I would like advice if anyone is willing to provide