i met my fp after a string of sexual assaults and consent violations, and because they were the first person in a long time to not violate any consent and also care enough about me to give me aftercare after sex and make sure i was emotionally okay and hold me while i cried, i’ve placed them on this pedestal that they are the only person in the world who doesn’t want to assault me and cares enough about me to give me aftercare after sex. they are also just, all around an amazing person that i really look up to, but i’ve really badly put them on such a high pedestal that i’m afraid that if i split on them it is going to be such a high fall and i’ll really hate them.

to further complicate things, he wants to be ethically non monogamous with me, which in the past wouldn’t have been an issue because i don’t typically get jealous, but since i am currently dealing with a bad depressive episode my insecurity is at an all time high and i can’t deal with the thought of them being with someone else because i feel so insecure that they are going to find someone better. i am also terrified of being assaulted again and having sex with anyone but my fp, despite being fine with ethical nonmonogomy in the past. because of this, we are taking a break, i am looking into an iop program to treat my depression and bpd, and am working to get better for myself but hopefully to also get to a place where i can be with them again. other than of course dbt, is there a way i can work on my attachment to my fp while we take this break?