i never felt as low as i did today. i don’t think i’ve ever cried as much as i did today. my eyes are swollen and i can barely see. my relationship was hanging on by a thread and i think it snapped today when i ended up in crisis. he definitely won’t want me after this. that last fight today is what did me in. where i knew i lost him, he’s been sick of my shit for a while now and i don’t blame him. i’m sick of me and my shit sometimes. and i’m scrambling to keep it together but i couldn’t. it slipped away. like a little kid with a balloon. then it got dark. so dark so dark that i felt like the only way out of the pain i was feeling for him wanting to leave me, was wanting to die. i’m still really low. and it was my best friend and aunt that called 911 on me today to get me to crisis. i may feel selfish for saying this but i just feel betrayed. idk. it’s a weird feeling i feel. i’m hurt and sad and just feel so weak.