Creating a new relationship with a guy is so fucking hard for absolutely no reason. I have avoided relationships my whole life because of the fear of becoming attached to them and getting hurt/hurting them. I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month now and I recently (still am) having an episode and things are different since I told him some personal things. He told me that I can’t push him away but for the life of me I can’t convince myself that he isn’t manipulating me. It legit feels like there’s a giant hole in my chest. It hurts so fuckijg much guys I’m crying in my car on break at work I just want to feel cared for and believe it. Oh and it’s funny because I didn’t even meet him yet :)