last night, for example, i got so lonely and desperately wanted to just be around people. yet none of my friends were able to hang out. anytime this happens i feel so embarrassed for even asking to hang out, i feel like such a burden. i feel like i annoy people constantly asking to do things, but no one ever asks ME to do things so what am i to do. then i act out to try and fill my time with excitement i suppose. this has led to me being as broke as i am right now and using a credit card to buy things i don’t have the money to buy, things i don’t even want but for some reason i think will make me feel better in the moment. i drive recklessly, i use drugs, and i do sexual things i don’t even want to do just because i want attention so bad. why does no one else have to beg to matter to other people and why is it so hard for me to be ok alone.