Every single day for the last 25 years I have wanted to die. Even on "good" days, something might happen or maybe nothing at all, but the thought, the desire, the need, it always comes.

I'm trapped inside my own head, anyone who gets close to me suffers...I either drag or beat them down until they feel shit like I do, but because I feed off of their energy now I feel even worse, so I can't try and do something about it.

Why do I have to be seen as the bad guy, just for trying to end my own suffering? Sure some people would hurt for a while, but not like this, not like I have to constantly.

How do I drive away people who I've made too weak to leave, so I can finally leave?