Just to clarify, I'm not talking about committing to someone but rather to doing something.

Oh and an important thing to note, therapy is 100% inaccessible.

TLDR at the bottom.

A little context...

I cannot keep an interest in anything for very long, depending on 'who' I am I'll either love it, be to brain dead to understand it, or I'll hate it.

I've found myself circling around a few major things for many years now, one of which being fitness.

I partly completed an online personal training course many years ago, but I fell into a dark place and had to pull out.

Currently I'm taking a semester break between cert 3/4 because I couldn't handle it. During the break I've barely thought of it at all, and when ever I try my mind goes blank.

I know this is because I stopped, but I had found myself in one of the darkest times in a long time.

Silently dragging myself out of the hole made me realise that I really want to try again to be better. I can literally be laying with my partner having a panic attack over nothing and she'd have no idea because I'm really good at hiding it.

So anyway back to the question, what have you found useful when trying to commit to something? I'm great at committing to bad, negative, unhealthy, toxic things but the skill doesn't seem transferable.

TLDR: Every time I try and commit to doing something good for myself I end up failing and feeling like shit. For instance, I felt alright when I started writing this, now I'd rather be dead than finish and post. Please help.