TW: Mention of domestic abuse

After taking a break from 2 years of therapy I have sought out a different therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders, as that's also something I struggle with (or think I do). However, I know this therapist doesn't do DBT or specialize in BPD.

I have no on paper diagnosis as I started therapy when I was 16 (I am 19 now). I almost certainly still fit criteria for a diagnosis. My last treatment plan was centered on "traits of borderline personality disorder". I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be taken seriously as a person with BPD. In the first session my therapist asked if I had a formal dx, I said no (and explained why!!), and then he made comments about some things I said about being "not very borderline".

I guess it was supposed to be a compliment but... BPD is such a huge part of my identity. It's a REASON I'm the way I am. In our second session when discussing my ex - who was abusive and a compulsive liar - he said (with a caveat he isn't diagnosing anyone) that it sounded like my ex could have a personality disorder and that dating people with PDs can be emotionally draining.

And I would say this is true (my partner is exhausted all the time because of me) but I felt alienated by the statement. I do also think my ex had some kind of issue - maybe HPD based on what I know - but obviously I cannot dx either. But I don't know what to do.

I feel anxiety over struggling to be listened to. It took my mother 2 years to believe that I was borderline - thankfully showing her my DBT book my very well liked therapist gave me eventually did it. But my life feels like people thinking I don't have BPD because I.. function? Keep a job, pay the bills, stay in a relationship. I also mamage to grow and heal.. And I said to my new therapist I doubt I would be here now if I had not gotten help so soon..

This turned more into a vent than a question.. but what do I do? Confrontation terrifies me but I think acknowledging I at LEAST have strong borderline traits is really important for therapy.

Caveat.. I'm terrible at saying things in therapy. Like I have been so disregulated I have hit my partner (there is a lot of context here for folks worried about abuse but it is a thing we both have talked about, we both have physical responses to trauma triggers), I have screamed my head off countless times, thrown essentially BPD temper tantrums.. and out of embarassment and shame I hardly talk about it.

How did you guys manage to break that ice? I know trust comes with time but I don't feel like I HAVE time.

Also, experience with CBT? I know it's known for being not super helpful for BPD but could I bring in my DBT book to therapy to say hey these things help? What about CBT to you didn't work with borderline feelings?

Thanks y'all.