A few months ago I switched jobs and lost my old medical insurance. I have EXCELLENT healthcare now, minus the fact that every month when it's time for my meds, they deny me because their system says I have other insurance. This leads me to endless phone calls and going 1-2 weeks off my meds, which makes me fucking snap.

When I say snap, I mean SNAP. I become a completely different person. I become self destructive. I feel suicidal. I've had two suicide attempts in the past three weeks, but my tolerance for what I took is so high that all it made me did was black out and sleep for an entire day. It just pisses me off because when I'm on my meds, I'm mostly stable. I still have my little freak outs and dark moments and panic attacks, but it's NOWHERE near as bad as it used to be. I'm just so sick of it. I finally got them a couple of days ago, but you know how it goes, takes a few days/weeks to kick in.

I just feel like isolating myself from everyone. It also REALLY scares the shit out of me, because what if next time it happens I become suicidal and succeed? I've been to the psych ward three times in the past two years, and almost went back last night. I just don't know what the fuck to do.