the image of you driving away from me, unreachable, will be forever burned in my memories. my knees can only run so much. i could barely breathe. i didnt mean to leave the car door open, i wouldve went back to talk but you just hit the pedal and you were gone so fast.

as opposed to a love bomber, i hate bomb because im scared that love makes me weak and powerless. i didnt mean to leave the car door open and tell you i'm going somewhere — i was going to come back but you were gone. im sorry for being disappointed that today didnt end well. i was just wanting to connect to you and i meant well but it gets tiring to initiate things — somehow, im scared that when i take the lead, you dont really wanna be here with me or it's all begrudgingly done

abandonment makes me sick. it is the bile that rises up my throat when a sob is lodged in my mouth and i am unable to speak. it's like the searing pain that crushes my heart exponentially when it reels in my mind like a broken record. it slashes at me once, going twice, going four times, going sixteenth and i couldnt count how many times it replays in my head— i want it all to stop.

please make it stop. your loving arms that always held me, made the voices stop. i falter at your power, and you dont realize how much your smile melts away everything that's ever hurt me. you hold my beating heart in your palm and it is yours to take but if it unravels and shows you the veins and arteries and blood inside, would you still hold it?