Having BPD and being buddhist is odd. I feel this pain so immensely but i am mostly in control of how i’m going to react cus i built this muscle of tolerating through meditation and mindfulness. So i decided no contact would be best for me. Im processing. Crying, talking, making decisions. Im still cleaning, still getting dressed up and going out. I know it won’t feel like this for long. I know i will move on to better things. i know that my life is not dependent on anyone else. mitski said: I am the forest and i am the fire and i am a witness watching it.

oh and we broke up cus we were mostly long distance and he couldn’t take us being a priority anymore. he said it was too painful and stressful. he wouldn’t even call me to end it. i didn’t push. i let him have that comfort.

I feel okay. I feel everything. All the pain and emptiness. i feel gratitude and fear and betrayal and happiness. i feel it. But i can bear it. Because in the end I believed in myself more than i believed in him. Anyone dealing with heart break rn. You aren’t alone now. They weren’t the only person that could ever love you. they were just a person that did. I love you guys.