I don’t know. It’s just getting harder to be ok with this disorder. I’m better than I was but I’m still not where I was before and that sucks. I don’t recognize who I am really. And I don’t know where or how I got this way. I feel like a black hole and just suck up everything and everyone until I can get full but I’m never filled. I’m only 24 but I can’t function most days, I just dig it out of me. I feel empty almost all time of the day, not just at night anymore. I will feel better for a week, maybe two, maybe three but then i crash and im back to this. You would think i would be smart to get things done when bpd hides but i just feel like im finally able to breathe. I can’t write, i can’t really get the energy to work out, i can’t clean. I want my life back. I want to be me again. I want to know who I am again. I’ve been on so many fucking meds and nothing has helped.