Like the title says. Basically, I wish so badly that I could play a part in societies capitalistic game. I wanna wear cute expensive clothes and buy starbucks and have a hard working husband and take vacations and flaunt my degree and go to parties.

But i'm just a shell. I can't work nearly any job because I am sure i'll just get depressed and quit. I have a partner that is the same way. So, neither of us work. And its so so so beyond defeating to see my friends living nice lives and spending their money on things they enjoy. Is it common for people with BPD to want to be alone? I don't know if I could honestly make it on my own..

I feel like my mind is a mess that will never recover. I don't know what to do and I feel so trapped. I want a better life and I have zero clue how to get there 😕