Hello everyone! I‘m writing here because I don‘t know who else to turn to. I‘m new to this channel so if my language is in anyway offensive I apologize in advance!

I‘m pretty sure that one of my closest friends (31,F) has BPD. I‘m no therapist and I could be wrong, but she fits most of the characteristics: fear of abandonment, self-hatred, unstable mood, intense yet unstable relationships (whether it‘s friendships, romantic or sexual ones), addiction to alcohol and drugs, intense experiencing of feelings, obsessive behavior when she meets new people, need for attention.

We‘ve been friends for 8 years and since the beginning I‘ve tried convincing her to take her mental health seriously and go to therapy, which she refuses. It‘s hard watching her self-destroy with alcohol, drugs and unhealthy relationships and it‘s hard listening to her when she confides in me because she very often tells me how much she hates herself, how much she fears that no one loves her, how much she feels inferior to others and so on. Listening to that while knowing that she‘s not working on it hurts and makes me feel responsible. But at some point I have accepted that I can‘t save her, and since then I’ve been keeping an emotional distance from the things she tells me.

My problem is: I have been going to therapy and working on myself for quite some time now. All of my friends are working on themselves as well and I have thoughtful and loving relationships with mature communication if there‘s a problem. She‘s the only exception and she refuses to work on herself. We have recently had one talk about it and she got quite defensive, said she doesn’t see a need for therapy, that she‘s coming from a different background than I am and doing everything she can considering her past. While I can of course respect that, I am starting to feel that I‘m outgrowing her and that the friendship doesn‘t feel equal anymore. I don‘t know what to do about it. I love her, but I don‘t feel like this friendship is good for me anymore.

Does anyone have any advice?