Im so tired of being called a monster, being pushed around, being looked down on for having emotions cuzz Im a male. With bpd it is even worse. I am brutally honesty with people and there are always those people that fuckin just give me this look like im nuts and loosing my mind( maybe I am) I am in therapy, Im 3 months in so far. I have recently been getting major flashbacks to trauma that I locked up for years. Im trying to find my inner child but he is trying to stay locked up. Life feels miserable and I feel like Im just on automatic actions right now. I feel so numb, ever since I had a panic attack from a flashback the other night IDK how to get out of this numb mood. Feel fuckin miserable. At work the day after the flashback panic attack I was absolutly miserable and I just worked with my head down unless a customer asked for help. I felt so shit and im still feeling like it. How do you get through these damn flashbacks and be a normal working human, emotions included. I want to see my therapist again but I only see her once a month. I feel like I am just stuck and cant figure out which emotion to tackle first. /: I have so much pain, anger, sadness, frustration deep in my soul. Im so fuckin done with feeling like this, I havn't felt this miserable in 6 years.