I’ve had actual sex several times in my life, aside from that I’ve had hundreds of arousing or sexual experiences that didn’t go all the way, same with online “sexual” relationships. None of which I have ever really enjoyed except for one person, my ex from last year whom is the only person I ever had enjoyable sex with.

Funny enough when I told her this, she looked at me and told me my bad sex life sounds like a personal issue that isn’t her problem…

I crave sex. I was assaulted a lot growing up, abused by partners, adults, etc. Now as what should be a functioning adult I still crave it. I still need sex. I want it so bad. All the time. I’m wildly hypersexual and cannot stop. Even after several breakthroughs over the years and in the past few months with extensive therapy and trying to recover, I have changed my life around a lot. But the desires are still there.

The issue is in part that all the people I know always want one night stands. One night stands suck. Casual sex is seemingly a dead culture I suppose, we can only have sex once and never speak again apparently. On top of that everyone feels so… sketchy. I don’t feel safe around anyone anymore. I’ve finally started feeling emotionally safe enough to make friends but sexually I have never felt more reserved even on my most dreadful days of needing to be touched. It’s so weird that these days everybody is giving off creepy vibes, not to mention everyone is broke, jobless, depressed, and then some.

Sex should be the last thing on my mind but I can’t stop myself. I need it. I need someone. I need anything but nothing ever stops the feeling. And now I have to live like this from now on and hope I can keep working on making the issue less of a struggle.