hi! i’m 18, and have been diagnosed with BPD since february. i have had a hard time in school since age 12, doing the majority of my classes since then online or only partially in-person. i’ve never had friends, or a good relationship with school or my peers. i’ve been told every year to ‘just wait! it’ll be better when your in insert any grade level since 6th!’ but that has never been the case.

today i was supposed to move to my dorm, and start college. after getting everything into my dorm, i lost it. i feel like i can’t do it, like there’s nothing ahead of me. usually, i could feel/see a future of what im doing ahead of me, but now i see nothing. i’m so lost, confused, and don’t feel real. i don’t think i can do it, i feel like there’s nothing ahead of me but failure and emptiness.

i don’t think im going to continue/start going to school- at least at the university i was planning. my parents said they’d support me to go to a community college and see how it goes from there, and im thinking that could be a good idea.

any tips or advice?? i’m so so so lost. anything is appreciated.