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I get so fed up with my SO sometimes for things they do. If I bring it up with friends, my SO is always the bad guy. I think my friends are haters tbh. How do I know when my feelings about my SO actions are justified and not my overreacting like I tend to do?
Sounds like he is irresponsible. That is a reason for concern. Honestly, just talking to you, you seem very well rounded and not overly reactive. You seem good.
Your feelings are always justified, they are feelings. It's your reaction to feelings that can get out of hand. We tend to overreact, but feelings themselves aren't bad. Venting to friends is a great way to deal with feelings. If they are saying he is the bad guy, either you are saying things are worse than they are, or his actions seem abusive to them.
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Being upset is completely understandable. Without knowing the behaviors they think are manipulative, it's really hard to say. There are people who tend to take advantage of BPDs, and manipulate them and it can cause a strong bond. The BPD can like the attention and overlook the manipulation. You may want to ask them for examples.