https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/s/E1j5OwpCBk

TW: Miscarriage

I was letting nature take its course. Doing all of the things you are supposed to when pregnant.

I never planned this, but even got excited. I had told my mom not to tell anyone, but she ended up telling the whole family. Everyone who has not been there, was. I felt supported.

I thought maybe something good could come out of my life, maybe it could finally have some meaning.

Even though I never planned on being a mom, and know it would be a wreckless decision to do on purpose, this accident was a loophole.

I will never try to conceive due to it being very irresponsible given my circumstances. I had so much hope though. As much as I thought relief would come if this happened naturally, it is just grief.

I had my doctor’s appointment the next day. It happened just as I was on the phone with my ex saying I am not fit to be a mother. I was heading into the end of my third trimester.

Even though he said that, he got his hopes up. I had to be invaded through three separate dr appointments, just to make sure. He thought maybe it was possible I still was pregnant. I haven’t had a hug, no support from him….

I don’t know how to find a silver lining here. I feel like God is punishing me for two abortions when I was much younger. (I know, I judge myself too….).