I was having a bad day. I had seen a pic of my ex super happy and content yesterday, and today I woke up really missing my ex/ FP and just allowing waves of intense emotions of anger, regret, and sadness to pass over me as I lied in isolation while another man was living my dream life.

I reached out to a friend that I made recently who also has PBD just saying, "Bad Day," incase they were available just to vent with someone who gets it and to keep my mind preoccupied. I know it was a mistake because this person is also dealing with a lot and isn't really emotionally available enough to be a stable friend that I can vent to. Luckily they were busy, or splitting, or weren't available for whatever reason.

I had felt abandoned by everyone when she broke up with me. I felt like all of our mutual friends that we had, through mutual interests, were only my friends because of her. I ended up unfriending over 400 FB friends, including my one friend, J, whom I've never even met in real life. He reached out to me when I had felt forgotten by the world and tried to empathize with me and crack jokes to cheer me up right after doctors finished removing 1/5th of his brain from brain cancer. He was one of the toughest and smartest people that I knew. His nurse team called him Deadpool, and he was one of the 400 I had unfriended.😭.

I was already having an extremely emotional day and now I'm devastated. I can barely see from crying so much, and I can't stop shaking about it. He's the reason that I met the love of my life in the first place through being mutual friends. I thought that I had reached the depth and absolute limit of my ability to feel sadness, grief, and loss, yet here we are with this incredibly new low. I know that this is still super fresh and even this too shall pass eventually if I allow it, but damn if the river of life isn't tearing into me and eroding the very fabric of my resiliency.

R.I.P. my rare friend. You were one of the best- most genuine, caring, and authentic people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. You were a Favorite Person. I will never forget you, and you will be sorely missed for as long as I live. I know that I'm not the only one that feels this way, and God only know how many other lives you unknowingly impacted, and if that doesn't make for a life well lived, then I don't know what does! The world is slightly dimmer without your flame, but you live rent free shining in our hearts and minds. Goodbye for now.🕯❤️🙏