Will probably be long. I’d explore this with my therapist but don’t currently have one, just had an epiphany having a conversation with my cousin and now I’m genuinely heartbroken for my mom.

We both have bpd. I’m diagnosed, she’s not into that kind of thing but I’d bet my life on her diagnosis as well.

I know she went through a lot as a child. A wide spectrum of abuse, trying to protect her little brother from it, on top of her mom being in another country, saving money so that she could afford to bring my mom to America with her. She shared with me recently that she holds some resentment towards my grandmother because when she was still overseas and dealing with everything, my grandma would call her and tell her all of the good things that were awaiting her when she joined her - she and her little brother each having their own bedrooms was a big thing. She was really, really looking forward to this, in particular.

She finally got here and, the way she tells it, a lot of the promises were never true. My grandma had remarried and had two more children while here. They were crowded. They never got their bedrooms.

I didn’t think it was that important to her until I realized that she was a struggling single mother for most of my life. Our first apartment was a studio. She had her friend come and put up sheetrock and built me a bedroom. She slept on a shitty sleeper sofa in the living room. For years. Our next apartment was a townhouse with a bedroom upstairs. She gave me the bedroom and slept on the couch. For years.

She always was enthusiastic about painting my room just the way I wanted it. All of the decorating. I’m 31 now and just finally understand that it was about more than her just doing her best to be a good mom - she was giving me the bedroom she never had.

I normally have a hard time empathizing with people but god damn, I’m fucking sad for her. She’ll never seek treatment or therapy, but is there anything I can do to help? She already has a bedroom 😩 the last time we talked about her resentment, I told her that she should talk about her feelings with my grandma but she’s like me, it’s almost impossible to open up like that.