So I decided I hated my merchandising job probably back in December of last year. They started changing it from being about merchandising and audits, and stocking to more of a selling position. I was not told it would be a selling position just that sometimes we’d try to sell pallets, and it wasn’t a big deal. I have extreme anxiety talking to team leads about the pallets, and then they wanted me to talk to the Walmart managers about it when I came back from leave (who are usually busy so hate bothering them to begin with). I went on leave for a surgery from middle of December until middle of February. I was so happy and relaxed. I was visiting friends, reading, and writing. I had to go back to that hell again and started saying fuck it I’m just going to sit in my car and do the bare minimum because they changed my job and keep saying they didn’t. It got worse when they started telling me my schedule wasn’t flexible when I make the damn schedule every month. Sometimes I’d switch store calls if I was visiting someone or having a severe bad mental health day (unfortunately oftenish). I got caught end of April in my car, and I was made to confess in front of my boss at the doors of one of my Walmarts. I cried as she said she didn’t know if I’d lose my job and started having a breakdown sitting on the cement. She had no reaction which pissed me off anymore.

I decided to go get an Amazon delivery job because I have to afford all my bills on my own so need at least 18-20 an hour. I did the training and quit my job with a four day notice. I go for my first ride along day and couldn’t do it physically. I went home in tears and also accidentally hit someone on the highway. Thankfully, there were only scratches and a dent so we didn’t want a claim on either of our insurances. I found a full time variable true merchandising position this past week, but it’s only 16 an hour. I can’t afford to live in my house that my grandma helped me get four years ago anymore. I’m going to have to live with my dad for six months to a year while I figure out what to do. I still want to go to northern Ohio to get out of the area I’ve lived my whole life, but this is a huge set back. I’m incredibly upset and been suicidal. I know the molly I did at the music festival isn’t helping either, but I didn’t think I’d be job hunting a few days after it and losing my home. I just need some advice or encouragement because I’m incredibly upset and embarrassed that I made my mental health worse for nothing because I’m losing my house.