Hi. I have quiet bpd. And what I mean by this is that it's usually dormant and silent and untriggered when I'm single. But when I get into a relationship with someone, it's there — waiting to be triggered.

I noticed there's a common pattern.

I would enter the relationship secure and detached. I would let them do what they want, go out, whatever, be a cool girl (lol Amy Dunne reference). But when they do something to give me a massive ick, my trust is shaken and then I become anxious and on edge.

For example, during my last relationship, I realized that in the beginning I was initially chill and stable. But when I saw his insta following which comprised of naked women and when he invited two women over to his room, everything went downhill from there. I was constantly nagging, asking for assurance and it took a toll on my security. I knew I should've broken up with him then so I didn't waste time.

My previous relationships were also like this. I would be a chill, zen af girlfriend but when there comes another girl in the equation I would need assurance all the time / my security feels threatened and my self-esteem pivots so low. My abandonment issues acts up and I often fear of being replaced.

Any thoughts about this? Does anyone else also feel normal and manageable during single, but constantly on edge during relationships? Do you guys have turning points as well where you switch from secure to anxious?