I (32M) am dating a pwBPD (30F) for 2 years now. I love her to death. Currently we are in an LDR, but with everything planned to move together in 2 months. I really need some some perspective from someone with BPD about what we are going through.

Since the beginning, my girlfriend had many issues with jealousy and insecurity, and I always made an effort to reinforce how much I love her, how beautiful she is and that I am here to stay.

However, she has an obsession with my past. I'm her first serious boyfriend, but I had 4 other relationships before. They are very well resolved, and not present in my life anymore, but she often told me how she wish she was my first girlfriend too. She insisted for me to tell her my past relationships, and even though she's jealous, with time I told her everything. I have nothing to hide.

But then she went way too far, in my opinion. First, she has a fake social media account where she stalks my ex-girlfriends and their families, and, according to her, she does that everyday. She knows their family members, their occupation, the name of their kids, their current partners and so on. Stuff that I had no idea, since I've been completely disconnected from them for years. My last serious relationship was 8 years ago. She would often stay awake at night, as she later told me, stalking these people. This obsession hurts not only her, but also our relationship. I told her this is obsessive and she can't continue that, but she can't help herself.

And, to make it worse, I don't delete older conversations from social media - I don't go through them either, never had, it's a bad habit of keeping stuff. So, at one point, we agreed to share our Instagram passwords, because we believed it would make her feel safer. But then, she started spending nights reading my old conversations, and later we would fight about something I said to my ex or friend years ago, when we were not even together. She also broke my trust a bit, because she would unfollow people, open unread messages and delete stuff without my consent and even knowledge. That made me cautious about sharing passwords of other accounts with her.

That caused many fights, because later she wanted us to share passwords of everything (both ways), but I didn't trust her 100% not to do things without my consent, and specially, I didn't want her to have more stuff from the past to obsess over for nights, which caused fights and insecurity. The apex of this issue was on my birthday, when wanted to have my Facebook password. I don't use Facebook anymore, so this was not about feeling insecure with the present. There I have old conversations, including relationships that ended more than 9 years ago. She insisted to have the password, and when I kept refusing, she destroyed every gift that I had bought her, deleted our pictures and broke up with me, ruining my day. After all of that, I gave her my password, hoping to at least spend the rest of my birthday with her in peace.

In the past, when she really wanted something (like see my social media, me not to go out, etc) and I refused, she would threaten to hurt herself (some times she pointed a knife at herself), break up, threaten to cheat, say the most hurtful things she can think of, and do everything she can to get it. She snaps and nobody can convince her otherwise. Seeing her like that is hard, because I know she's hurting inside, and is struggling with the pain. But, at the same time, I don't want her think that she can threaten and hurt as a way to get something from me. Many times I failed, though, and gave her what she wanted, out of exhaustion, sadness or fear.

That brings us to today. Last night she asked me to share my Facebook password, because she was feeling insecure. I told her I could share my screen and show her anything she wanted to see, but didn't want to spend the night awake reading old conversations. She said she needed to see them once again to help her heal and that then I could delete them, and I thought that the last thing she needed to heal is to dig over my past again, pretty much the opposite. But she keeps insisting that she needs it to help her heal. She then threatened to throw her commitment ring and my gifts away, and break up with me. She had a crisis when I persisted on only deleting it, broke up with me and left.

As it stands, I'm blocked everywhere, she removed our posts on social media, and I'm helpless. Which left me thinking:

- Am I wrong for not wanting to let her read my conversations from past relationships again?

- Could it really help her in any way, considering her obsession with people from my past?

- From the perspective of someone with BPD, how could I better support her with this?

Thank you for reading through my long post, I really don't have anybody else to talk that would comprehend BPD and give me proper advice.