I thought about putting this in a relationship advice sub, but due to my BPD being a factor it felt more appropriate here.

For some background, me (27f) and my boyfriend (32m) are in a happy, good relationship and have been for two years. In the past, we were a lot more sexual with each other, but I think a lot of this came from a shared drinking problem and subsequent lowered inhibitions (we are both sober now). Now that we are both sober, we really don't have sex as often as we used to. Neither of us is particularly forward about it, so it just doesn't happen as much. On to why I'm writing this.

Yesterday, I expressed to him that I really wanted to be more sexual, because I missed it and the intimacy it brings between us. He said that he just hadn't been feeling it lately, at all. Not because of me or anything he said, just a natural drop in libido. Of course I said this was fine, and that I don't want to force him to do anything. I did also say that it still made me a bit sad, because I missed feeling desired. We dropped the subject, went about our day.

Then, an hour or two later, he was suddenly VERY sexually aggressive (I don't mean aggressive in a bad way!). Naturally, I asked if he was just being that way because of what I said, and told him if that was the case that I didn't want him to feel like he had to. He reassured me that that was absolutely not the case. So we proceeded to do what we do, and it was certainly not a half-assed effort on either of our parts. I was happy, but still worried he was just doing it for me and not him. A few hours went by, and then (without any prompting from me) he was ready to go again.

I guess what I'm wondering is does it seem like he did it just to make me happy? Or because maybe he needs (or even wants/desires) someone who tells him what they need? I've never been in a relationship like that, usually it's the opposite where I'm with a guy who always wants to do it and I'm not interested. Now it feels a bit reversed. I'm really hoping it's the latter, I can learn to be more forward. I would just feel terrible if I found out he only did it because he was worried about me being upset with him over not having sex. Sex is important to me, but it isn't everything. As long as we're making an effort to do it occasionally, that's enough considering all the other ways in which we are connected.

Sorry if this seems dumb, BPD has me turning this over and over in my head since it happened.