• stop overidentifying with bpd. we are not our bpd. it is not a permanent part of us. we are traumatized and in a lot of pain. but we are capable of change and our brains are able to transform over time, with enough dedication.
• cultivate multiple meaningful relationships. it helps us move away from FP attachment and codependency when we’re able to find comfort and understanding among a network of people, not just one!
• stop thinking of bpd as a disease. bpd is just a category someone made up to encapsulate the symptoms of specific types of trauma we’ve endured. we are not broken, we are just traumatized.
• it’s not our fault we’re this way. nothing is inherently wrong with us that justifies the neglect and abandonment we’ve experienced as children.
• we can focus on taking responsibility for our actions without judging ourselves as good, bad, worthy, or unworthy. nothing about us is permanent. everyone is complicated and has their own baggage too.
• practice emotional regulation & distress tolerance skills when you’re not feeling dysregulated, so it’ll be easier to use them when you’re triggered. focusing on calming my body before my mind has been super helpful. our trauma is stored in our body, so oftentimes when triggered, we feel the physical sensations first, then our mind tells us stories about them. if we try to simply use logic and “think differently,” it doesn’t work because our bodies are still panicking.
• it’s rare that any mistreatment we’ve suffered is personal, even if it looks like that from the outside. everyone has their own trauma and survival mechanisms that kick in when they feel threatened. the majority of people who’ve hurt you weren’t doing so as part of some evil plot. sometimes our monkey brains take over and we hurt people out of self-preservation. that goes for us and the people that have hurt us. we don’t have to forgive everyone, but we can understand that it didn’t happen because of something that’s especially wrong with us.
• cultivate self-love by looking at videos and pics of your child self. why is it easier to love that child? is it because they’re innocent and haven’t done all the bad things we’ve done yet? remember that that child lives within you; they ARE you.
• we don’t have to shame ourselves for our big feelings. we can accept them and feel them without acting in destructive ways. it’s okay to cry. it’s okay to be angry. it’s okay to be scared. we can feel those emotions without running away, without breaking things, without hurting ourselves.
• spend meaningful time alone. have fun by yourself! do something that you love to do without thinking about what other people want to do. enjoy your own company. find your passions.
• when you’re feeling triggered and tempted to engage in destructive behaviors, challenge yourself to do ONE thing differently than before. examples from my life: “i’m not going to run away this time” “i’m not going to drink this time” “i’m not going to hurt myself this time” even if you didn’t handle things perfectly, you did one thing differently, and that’s something to be proud of.

sending love to you all. you deserve it even when you don’t believe you do.