Hi, I’m a BPD guy who’s a kissless virgin at 26. I don’t particularly see myself as unattractive, but when being ghosted and abandoned so many times, coupled with how I feel like nobody even wants me that way, it really takes a toll on me. For example, I had a supposed FWB who I really liked a few days ago, that even said they wanted to take my virginity…only to have them ghost me. It really hurts. And this happens so many times, where I’m just thrown away. I’m not even ashamed of my virginity, it’s more that I’m jealous of the life and experiences others have.

It feels like having sexual experiences is a luxury I can’t have, and especially being on places like Reddit and visiting NSFW threads (even on this subreddit) makes me feel so jealous and awful. As if I’m having these sexual experiences rubbed into my face, when I so desperately want to experience what it’s liked but despite my efforts, I can’t seem to get it.

I also struggle because I just don’t like these supposed looming thoughts in the background from others of how if I’m such a horny guy, I’m supposed to mistreat and be sexual with every and any woman, when I just really don’t incline that way. I’d never want to hurt, or push anyone’s boundaries, and being mistakenly called creepy in the past is a huge part of my own trauma, after all.

I want a FWB at this stage rather than a romantic partner, because in addition to wanting sexual relief, I’m actually so much of a hopeless romantic, that I don’t see myself being with anyone in this life forever. So why would I deprive myself from sexual experiences, when I’m struggling so much with how horny I am?

But I also get the vibe that it’s morally wrong to want a FWB? I don’t see many people actually wanting that, and with how I find it so hard to find people, am I just looking for something impossible? And ‘should’ I even look for it in the first place? Tbh I even wish I could stop being a sexual being, but my body wants the opposite. And I also like the validation it brings too.

I just wanted to vent, sorry if I didn’t make any sens, or said anything ‘wrong’. Please don’t judge me harshly, I’m trying my best to be ‘good’. 🥺