(25M) Just feel like I’m constantly unwanted and unappreciated. Ignored and thrown away. And there’s several times where it’s not even me not ‘checking the facts’…people actually have discriminated and made fun of me for my eccentrics and ways of expressing myself. It makes me feel like a disgusting person, even some others who also have BPD and call themselves ‘misfits’ have treated me this way. If even them treat me this way…am I so exceptionally bad that I’m not worthy of their compassion? Am I a bad person?

I try so hard to care about others but it seems like I don’t really get it back. I constantly stay strong with others for the sake of stability and while it works often, it gets exhausting.

It’s just so heartbreaking. No matter how much I try…it never seems like it’s enough. Even despite trying so hard to be a good person, help others and do the right thing…though some people in my past have said I’m too selfish. It hurts so much, and it makes me constantly doubt myself. I haven’t been called that recently, but I still get the traumatic memories of them even years on. Being spoken to so harshly, as if I’m such a bad person.

I always wanted to be ‘saved’ by someone that gives loving attention and care about me. And I spend a lot of time with myself already… but God the loneliness lingers within me, eating away at my soul. But funnily enough, I actually feel more lonely when I’m with someone. I end up going crazy with the moments where they don’t pay attention to me.

And I constantly tell myself that nobody gives a shit about me, in order to cope. But I’m sorry, I just really wanted to let off some steam… it’s been bugging me for so long keeping all of it inside. :/