I’m 2 months clean and I’m just so tired and heartbroken

I’m living in actual filth and I’m just disgusting . I argue with everybody and I just argued with my mom about the dumbest shot and I always just feel so small and stupid and then I run to the bathroom to just break down and cry and I just immediately miss my boyfriend and I immediately start crying more cause I just want him here and I go to our messages and I realize it’s mostly blue and I’m still on delievered and I just clearly don’t matter to anyone especially him and it hits so much I Love him so so much I’m constantly thinkin and tossing and turning about him I just feel so sick and so sad my heart is beyond broken I just want to touch him and feel him he’s so warm and cute and lovely and kind and I just want to melt into his chest I wanna live in his belly button I wanna just hide away in his arms forever and ever and ever but I don’t think he wants anything to do with me in just so sad I don’t know why I’m not enough I know I’m ugly and I’m below average at everything and yk how people say “do they add any quality to ur life if not they shouldn’t be in it” I feel like I don’t add any quality but I try I really do try so I feel like I’m just nothing I’m good for nothing