I can’t. I feel like(not all the time) he talks about us with his friends/talks behind my back. I want to marry him but I also don’t want to coz I don’t think I can ever trust him. I never have doubts about him cheating on me. But I feel like he bitches about me or makes fun of me behind my back. I have confronted him about it in the past year but ofcourse I was told I was delusional. I had terrible episodes while trying to prove it, got diagnosed, had meds and the entire drill. I accepted then that it was all in my head.

But I am not sure anymore.

I have realised while writing this post that I don’t trust anyone. No one. What a sad way to live- I am literally laughing.