I (24M) have been with my girlfriend (25F) for 6 years. She suffers from BPD, and it means I know a lot about it. About two months ago we started having really, really bad fights - and I started losing control of myself in a way I have never done before. Dissociating, saying toxic things, talking about/threatening self-harm/suicide.

This all started with her distancing herself from me emotionally for 9 months, and then suddenly having all emotions bursting out in a 'breakdown' way. She said she might want to break up. Not because she doesn't love me, but because she feels confused, She is having an identity crisis. All of this seems to have woken something in me and now I am acting in ways I never have before. I am usually a pretty emotionally stable person. But these episodes keep happening - and I lose control of myself. I can't calm myself down. I feel abandoned, not understood and ignored by her. Sometimes the feeling is justified - mostly it is not, but I can't tell the difference in the moment.

I am wondering if it is possible to develop borderline at the age of 24. I am certain something is up with me - and it reminds me a lot of the episodes she used to have the first 2-3 years of our relationship. I am very very confused and scared. I can't put her through this any longer, but I feel so unsure of what's real. If I can trust her. If she really is there for me. I don't know what's in my head and what's a reaction to her actions. She has apologised deeply for some of the ways she has acted this past year. She has admitted she hasn't been the partner i deserve. I know we can move past this and heal - but I keep exploding like a hand grenade and bringing out the worst in both of us. I am looking for any thoughts and advice.

​

​