This is going to be like half vent so im sorry in advance. This semester has not been kind to me at all, my grades are dropping my social life is down, work is exhausting and I've become enemy #1 for my family.

I feel I've made great strides in my BPD from the last two years, however this semester my support system has grown smaller and my brain and heart do not see it as something i can rely on anymore. Example? My own boyfriend, someone i see as my biggest supporter who is patient and always reassures me, the first partner I've never doubted once in our entire relationship. I cant bring myself to tell him anything anymore, not when im doing so bad, not when I feel I've already told him all my sorrows.

All this to say I'm at my limit and I'm regressing. my emotions are explosive again, ive dissociated more times than i can count, my brain has started to conclude it would be better if i didnt exist. Im hitting a peak and im frantically trying not to be self destructive. I'm about to cook/bake, some desperate attempt to hold onto something. I just want some suggestions on something else productive i could do while my brain is on fire.

TLDR: Life is hard, trying not to explode, whats something i can do to take my mind off it?

Update: I burnt my brownies and fucked my pasta. Im doing awful