I'm new to this sub and I've really been struggling after a little altercation with my FP. This is kind of long because it's probobly a lot of rambling but I'm honestly just so invested to my FP...

For a bit of context, we've been talking as friends for almost 4 years by now, and throughout this time I've developed romantic feelings for them. I struggle with maintaining any form of close relationship so for being able to have them around for this long is something I really value. They also live in a neighboring state (We are located in the US), so its kind of hard to understand how theyre really feeling sometimes.

Anyway, they were discussing a particularly sensitive activity they had done a while back and it sent me spiraling. I know how that sounds but having been crushing on them for the better half of our relationship, it really crushed me. I've never said anything before because I never wanted to make things weird, and now I'm just constantly focusing on that topic and it's seriously tearing me up inside and I don't know how to deal with these feelings. Like, I've never really developed romantic feelings for anyone this intense and I just feel like if I say anything I'm going to be smothering them and when I did confess and explain why I was a bit put off by what they told me.

I know they care for me, and they've come to me with sensitive stuff too so I guess I do feel valued in that sense. Even before I liked them, I'm just a person who values all my friendships a bit too much and I sacrifice a lot and do all I can to help in their time of crisis. I just want to tell them to at least take into consideration my feelings when they're out being social but I know that's so manipulative but I really feel so worried of being abandoned or tossed aside.

They said they don't like LDR because they like being able to be physical, and I totally get that, because in a sense I am too, but I'm already so attached to them I'm still struggling. I probobly sound like such a monster because I hate these thoughts and feelings I'm having but I really do like them and I can't imagine being apart from my FP for longer than a few hours. Like, they even text me during work breaks!

They say I'm one of their closest friends, but I just want to be more involved in their life somehow and not through just texting and talking otp but if I bring that up I don't know how they will react, and I just don't want to smother them and push them away at all... they say they're not looking for a romantic partner ATM and I'm not really either, I just want them to just... Idk, understand my feelings as best as they can, because they even said they liked me in the past too so I have this weird sense of hopefulness too...

I just want to know how to cope with these feelings and what actions I can take to just be okay and not feel so abandoned but obsessive over them...