I’ve been with my fiancé for a year now. I have 2 children and he co-parents with me wonderfully. My kids are my world and he treats them and us so well. He is extremely supportive and just an overall amazing human.

His mom on the other hand, is the absolute worst. She is one of those insufferable mothers who believe that no one will ever be good enough for her perfect little boy and it makes me sick. My fiancé said she was judgmental when we first started going out but I didn’t know to what extreme. She’s a total Karen.

She’s never taken the time to ask me questions, get to know me or make me feel welcome in her home. She has brought up his ex girlfriends on occasion, just to make me feel like I wasn’t special. I know she judges the amount of tattoos and piercings I have and the fact that my kids’ dad isn’t around.

My fiancé was kind of in denial about how awful his mom really is until I told him to start paying attention.

Things really took a turn for the worst when we recently went on vacation with her for my fiancé’s grandma’s 100th birthday. It was my first time being away from my kids (5 days while my mom watched them, they couldn’t come because of school) and I was so sad about that and anxious. I also have Vestibular Migraine so flying and being a passenger in a car are both huge triggers for me. Not to mention lack of sleep from traveling. I was in a vulnerable state.

His mom made many passive aggressive remarks, and got angry at me because of something so childish.

She is extremely controlling and overbearing. Not to mention self centered. This one incident in particular, my fiancé and I had to go pick her up from her friend’s house after we drove 4 hours total, to and from the Tillamook creamery. We were tired, hungry and I was dealing with explosive diarrhea all day due to taking stool softeners for the constipation I was having from the motion sickness meds I had been taking.

We pull up and she’s motioning to us with huge arm motions to come inside the house. My fiancé looks at me, looks at her and politely smiles but shakes his head no. She continues and we step out of the car and she says, “come here and pet this dog right now! Look how cute!” Meanwhile, she knows I have terrible allergies to dogs because I always get allergies when I go to their house. My fiancé declines and says he doesn’t want me to have allergies. His mom responds, “oh come on, everyone knows yorkies are hypoallergenic. Just pet him!” And my fiancé didn’t. We were polite to her friend and headed out 15 minutes later.

On our way to dinner, his mom asks if we’ve come up with an idea for dinner. My fiancé brings up a restaurant and I say that I’m not sure because they have low ratings. She snarkily quips that only angry people leave reviews and they’re always negative and I’m being silly. I said that’s not true. She then continued to criticize my driving. We get to the restaurant and I feel like crying. My fiancé comforts me. We get inside and my fiancé goes to the bathroom and I tell his mom I’m gonna wait for him and she, staring off angrily says “JUST have him text me”. I’m like wtf?

So I’m kind during dinner because she’s paying for it. When we get back to the hotel I just sob for an hour and have an in-depth discussion with my fiancé about how mean his mom is and how I just want to go home. He decides to confront her about her behavior and she deflects all blame and admits to being mean because she was angry I kept him from going inside her friend’s house and it made her look bad.

He tells her that she needs to start treating me like a fiancé, not another casual girlfriend and that he will take my side in every situation because I’m his partner. We really didn’t talk to her the rest of the 2 days we were there.

That was 2 months ago and she keeps asking him to get together and he’s been ignoring her texts or saying he’s busy. Well he has to go help her fix her broken computer this weekend (that’s what he does for a living) and I feel so uncomfy with that. He said if it would make me feel better, we can write out a text together to his mom about how she should apologize and how unacceptable her behavior towards me was. And that the way she treats me will always affect their relationship.

I feel like it would make me feel better for him to put her in her place but I hate to selfishly put him in this uncomfortable position. What would you guys suggest? We went over a few days ago because it was his dog’s birthday and she was so weird but at the same time not remorsefull at all. My fiancé’s dad knows that my fiancé doesn’t want to have lunch with his mom until she takes accountability but she’s still trying to worm her way to him without doing so.