Hello,

I am a 21f currently in my third year of college and living in an apartment with my boyfriend.

I have always recognized that there was something different about me, and after extensive self research I believe that I have bpd. It lines up with many choices and problems in my life, as well as feelings and fears I’ve had for a long time. However, I’m afraid of going to someone to seek a diagnosis for many reasons, even though I know there are a lot of benefits.

For pros, I know that the diagnosis will bring me a sense of validation for a lot of the feelings I consistently have and will bring me a sense of peace with myself. And through a diagnosis, I can find someone to help me and teach me how to deal with these problems rather than constantly spiral and self-sabotage, which I recognize that i have a consistent cycle with. I also believe it’ll help me with my social anxiety and isolation, since I often believe people can “sense something is off with me” and I fear them finding out what it is before I do, and then leaving.

However, I have some worries. If I am correct and I am diagnosed with bpd, I am afraid of how my family will react. I crave their validation a lot, and I fear they will believe I’m lying or seeking attention in some way. I also am studying to be a music ed teacher, and I fear my diagnosis will affect job opportunities for me in the education field, especially because I plan on starting out in elementary music. I know a lot of admins still are biased in that way, especially where I live.

More importantly, my boyfriend has had his own mental health journey and has confessed to not wanting to have to deal with destructive behavior from partners anymore. I know my episodes hurt him, and I’m afraid that a diagnosis would be too much for him to currently handle, and would leave instead of being supportive. I have not talked to him yet, but Im relying on him a lot right now and I’m afraid to upset the current dynamic.

Any advice on bringing up a possible test to a loved one? When is the best time to seek treatment? Is there ever a better time than now?