CONTEXT: We are a polyam triad (3 of us in the relationship), they have been together since high school, and we have been a triad over a year, and we all live together

Like the title said. She was diagnosed as BPD very recently and we have had a few days to think about the situation. we are going to talk about it and I was hoping to get some guidance on questions I could ask, or insight into how to navigate a later in life diagnosis in an established relationship. What subjects should we cover? What should we try and keep in mind moving forward? What do you wish was talked about earlier on in your journey?

We are not new at effective communication considering we are all ADHD, and I'm Autistic, my BF has PTSD from the army, and our relationship style. Communication is KEY, but my communication of being blunt and not sugarcoating, may not be the most effective, and it has caused some panic and feelings of rejection in the passed. Not that I don't care about tact, I just go into a spiral if I have to dance around things, but I also don't want to trigger RSD for her. If I know I will be talking about a sore subject, I preface and let my partners know so we can all be in, "collaboration mode" so to speak, just get all parties ready to hear a problem that we should work on. In moments like that, we are fine, but sometime if we are just talking and for example, and she is asking about a project I am working on and I am explaining my thought process, she hears "she is looking for advice! I can help!" and all the suggestions that are different from what I settled on keep getting no after no, because I was just talking about my process.

learning about BPD has become my special interest du jour, and I am reading "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" and reading articles in my free time.

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