I honestly dont know where to start or how to fully explain this. I am a 25f that has been through literal hell since 2020. In the last three years (the timeline is important) first my mom was diagnosed after being in remission for 10 year. This time it was bad. My aunt died not long after at the age of 45 out of no where. Then my grandmother died this was not as unexpected but still shook me. Then after a year or so of fighting and getting to the point where she couldnt talk, walk, or even communitcate or form lucid sentence with pen and paper my mom passed away in the basement of my childhood home. Just before she had passed was about the time when I introduced my brother, best friend, confidant, to my roomate and close friend. They hit it off and immediately hid their relationshsip because she was with someone else and honestly i dont know why because she and my FP were like her hype squad. We always took her word and believed in her. All of a sudden my brother was always at my apartment. There relationship came on fast. It was a controlling one with a lot of immediate drama. Anyway after a little while my FP was getting things together to buy a house. Our plan was to move into the house together and with my brothers girlfriend. She communicated after the plan was in place that this was not something she wanted to do. She knew that this is what I would be doing. 3 months before I was going to move in with FP I was like "Okay I am doing this, whats the plan with the lease should we just move forward with getting out of here in the next couple of months?" SHE WAS SHOOK. SHe was upset and took it out on me. I tried to be flexible because it was obvious that she wasnt going anywhere and that was going to be my problem. My BPD isnt explosive, its quiet and scared of conflict. The Avodant/Anxious kind. The girlfriend is the opposite. The next 3 months was complete hell to say the least. At every turn the girlfriend went out of her way to make my life harder. I was unable to get anyone to move in so I kept paying my rent there and my FP didnt charge me for the few months I had left on my apartment lease. The girlfriend called me names, tried to trick me into signing a lease agreement that would really affect me finacially, she blew up my phone, ordered me around, and worst of all convinced my brother that I was the bad guy. There was one day at the apartment where I went to get my things and my brother was there girlfriend/roomate was not. and I was like "Hey wtf is going on this is crazy." and my brother went insane. His eyes glossed over and he screamed at me like our father would. I was balling my eyes out and he was just screaming and demanding things from me. Saying Im the problem and I need to make things right and everything is all my fault and i deserve everything that i get for this. I havent had a civil conversation with him since. Not long after my mom passed. At her funeral girlfriend tired to apologize but i couldnt accept her apology. I had never been hurt like that before other than in my passed abusive relationship or by my dad. I knew she didnt mean it either. She was trying to save face in front of my family. Next thing you know not even a week later she is spamming my phone with mean things. I had to tell her she can talk to FP if she has anything to say to me. FP could handle that sort of thing and was definately not friends with girlfriend anymore after what she had witness girlfriend do and say to me. Anyways without me being her punching bag anymore things died down. Now im left without a relationship with my brother. I figured this whole thing wouldnt last. You cant possibly be with the person that makes you practically disown your family right? It was my assumption that he found solace in girlfriend while going through a tough time. He abandoned me. He didnt show up to the hospital for mom. He dissapeared. Anyways they are engaged now. 2 years after i firsted introduced them. I heard from a practical stranger at least. Eventually he texted me and told me. I didnt respond. Im not going to the wedding. I am not going to be the "bigger person" even though that is what everyone is telling me to do because I am the most put together. ME THE ONE WITH BPD PTSD ADHD GAD MDD. And they arent wrong. My dad is a drug addicted letting our childhood home fall to disrepair pretending that everything is perfect and is at the bar every second he can be. My brother has a drinking problem and who knows what else because i dont know anything about him anymore but is a mini version of my dad and that means he wont take blame or apologize and probably doesnt thing he has done anything wrong. He wont change. I got help. Meds, therapy, a new support system, I have been honest with everyone about how im doing even if they dont deserve to know. ANYWAY the point of this is, I have been waiting 6 month to be put into a DBT group. I log on today my first ever and WHO IS IN THEY GROUP. GIRLDFRIEND/NOW FIANCE. I logged off immediately and am not in shock. Im torn. She must have BPD too. If thats the case then... the what.. what does it all mean. Do i have a right to hate. What am I supposed to think. SHe is obviously trying to better herself. That doesnt excuse the way she has treated me. My brothers and I relationship has nothing to do with girlfriend. I have always made a point to be aware of the fact that my brother treating me like this is his own decision. Its not all girlfriends fault. She caused me so much pain besides that though at my lowest point before I even got the help I needed. Girlfriend, my brother, my father(He wants me in his life but his abusive nature makes me have to stay away. He hurts me too much to be able to have him in my life and that is his choice), even my FP abandoned me(kind of she moved away to TX we are still close but I can only see her once a year). Im dependant on FP's family. They have helped me through all of this. Getting me a Job, a place to live, love, support, advice, their time, and stability i have never had in my life. I need advice. Im not sure on what. Maybe I just need someone to read this and just say something. I apologize if this doesnt make sense or was too long. There is emotional fury behind this keyboard.