In the most genuine sense of the phrase, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've been seeing a guy for a year-ish now, and in the last few months I've been getting unbelievably jealous and paranoid over every little thing. It started off kinda normal, but it's been getting worse and worse and it feels like I'm losing all control. When he doesn't reply I'll check if he's been active on fb or ig, doing calculations to the minute. Even just the mention of any other woman sets me off.

The worst part is that the logic part of my brain KNOWS that this is all irrational and unfounded. I know it's just the BPD brain doing its thing, I've felt it before. But no matter what I'm trying, I can't stop it. It feels like I'm falling down a hill, getting faster and faster and I can't stop myself.

And it would be one thing if I could just swallow it and push through on my own. But no. I have absolutely no self control and I have to make a snarky comment. Which is just pushing him away further. As soon as I do, I'll immediately regret it and apologize like crazy but the damage is done.

This is going to ruin my life if I can't get it in check but I'm right now I'm at a loss for everything. I don't know what to do.

I've got an appointment with my therapist scheduled but not for a few days and I'm scared in that time I'm going to make things even worse and destroy everything. Any advice would be greatly appreciated 😭